The Hidden Cost of Overdoing the "Life" Side of the Work-Life Balance Equation

A famous actor goes dark and why focusing exclusively on family should be temporary

Rick Moranis, Star of Ghostbusters, Goes Dark

Rick Moranis could have had it all. He was one of the most famous comedic film actors in the 1980s and 1990s, starring in roles in Ghostbusters, Spaceballs, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, and The Flintstones. These were all major blockbusters of the day, and Moranis became a household name as he starred alongside other famous comedians such as Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, and Steve Martin. 

Then in 1991, Moranis's wife, costume designer Ann Belsky, tragically passed away from breast cancer. They had been married for five years and had two children together. Following her death, Moranis chose to step away from Hollywood to focus on raising his children as a single father. He made a conscious decision to leave acting to be more present in their lives. 

Had he continued in acting, he might have starred in more blockbusters. He could have been Scott Calvin in The Santa Clause (1994). Or it’s fun to imagine him as Buddy’s adoptive father in Elf (2003). Had he just done voice acting, which requires far less time, he could have been the voice actor for Mike Wazowski in Monsters Inc. (2001), Gru in Despicable Me (2010), or President Business in The Lego Movie (2014). 

Rick Moranis could have been filling the big screen, making millions of dollars, and helping to foster the next generation of comedians with his talent. But instead he chose to leave all of it for his family. 

When asked about it, Moranis said: "I was working with really interesting people, wonderful people. I went from that to being at home with a couple of little kids, which is a very different lifestyle. But it was important to me."

There’s two important considerations to this story, which makes it an interesting case study. 

First, because Rick Moranis had already made millions of dollars, him choosing to walk away from his job and focus on his family is something most people would nod their heads in agreement. We may say “If I had millions of dollars and my spouse had passed away, of course I would leave my job and raise those kids!” And that may be right. Perhaps he could have just taken one voice acting gig per year, just to allow his creativity and skill to be used. Or if you think he should be 100% dedicated to his family, what about when the children were grown? He even could have started acting again in the 2000s once his kids were out of the house. 

Secondly, at what level should we lean into family and trade off work and personal endeavors? It’s important during times of grief to focus on family and friends. That’s healthy and needed. Most of us never fully recover from the loss of a loved one. But many of us don’t have the affordances Rick Moranis had to leave his job and raise our children. Perhaps because we don’t, we feel it’s unfair that some people can leave work while we can’t, so we justify our own circumstances. 

Let’s explore both. 

When to Focus on Family Only

Most people will experience a time when they need to focus 100% on their family. This could include:

• The birth of a child

• The death of a family member

• Health crises, such as cancer or accidents

• Family trauma, displacement, or other times when family needs to gather

Each one of these requires dedicated time with loved ones, where you simply just cannot or should not work. For example, with the birth of each of our children both of us made it a priority to be there, choosing not to travel for work or plan other activities so we could be present for our wives and children. We took up to 6 weeks off of work to care for the new baby, and then came back to work. (Fun fact: Jason had his son, Jack, while working as an intern at General Mills and was only able to take a couple of days off, and is still the only General Mills intern to have had his spouse have a baby during an internship.)

In Rick Moranis’ case, he experienced the death of a family member, which absolutely should halt any other work, but in Moranis’ case he did something most of us don’t do: He didn’t come back to work. At all. 

In the United States most states allow up to five days of bereavement leave with the death of a family member, and most companies are understanding if you need more time. Similarly, if you have a parent on hospice you may be able to take a sabbatical or work remotely. 

In nearly every case, the time you take away from work is temporary. Our argument is that when you need to balance family priorities, it should be temporary and returning to ‘normalcy’ afterwards is important. This includes going back to work. 

You may be thinking: What if your job is caring for children? Did Rick Moranis simply change his job from actor to caretaker? The short answer is yes, but it could be argued he could have acted intermittently, and definitely after his children were grown. 

We should absolutely focus on family as much as we can, especially in times of hardship, but not lose sight of ourselves and the value working brings. Take time off from work during hardship, but remember to come back. 

Working is Part of Who We Are

Working is part of who we are, and to lose this could mean a loss of self, purpose, and potential financial security. Jason knew a man, let’s call him John, who was extremely focused on his family. He was always home with his family. He made it a point to be there when his kids got home from school. He loved spending time with his wife. He also really enjoyed doing family genealogy research and enjoyed telling his family (and anyone else who would listen) about it. John had difficulty holding a job and providing for his wonderful family. 

John sacrificed work for family at his family’s expense. He likely lost part of himself in the process. For example, would he have been a better dad if he was intellectually stimulated by things outside of his family? Could John have been a better example to his kids through some other means of only being there? 

Let’s also not forget why most people work: for the money. You simply need money to live. Financial security is one of the most important human desires, as it reduces stress, enables future planning, promotes independence, and boosts mental health. To top it off, having more money opens up doors to life experiences. This in turn can benefit your family through increasing their happiness. 

One question you should ask yourself is if you’re happy with yourself and your family. Avoid being a shell of a person, but instead strive to be holistic in how you live your life.

How to “Balance” Family with Work & Family

We believe balance is bogus. In one analogy, we all have four burners on our “personal stove of live” -  work, family, health, and friends and we can’t keep them all burning at the same rate all the time. 

As one of our MBA professors once quipped…“In order to be successful you have to cut off one of your burners. And in order to be really successful you have to cut off two. ”

That being said, it’s possible to prioritize what is important to you. For example, we have canceled a 1:1 with our managers to attend our children’s school events. This was trading off work for family. We have equally been traveling for work during a child’s sporting event. This was trading off family for work. 

To see how you’re prioritizing your time, we’d encourage you to look at yesterday. Look at your day and think through:

• How many hours did I spend at work?

• How many hours did I spend with my family or loved ones?

• How many hours did I spend exercising? 

• How many hours did I spend with friends?

• How many hours did I spend doing [fill in the blank] activity that is important to me? (e.g., studying scripture, watching a favorite TV show, etc.)

If you are happy with these results, then we would argue you are finding balance. If you aren’t happy with these results, then you need to move time from one bucket to another. Don’t fool yourself in trying to double dip here (e.g., I’ll spend time with my spouse as we drive to our child’s sporting event) as that’s not deliberate time. 

We have also found that our mindspace is a good barometer for balance. If you spend time lying in bed thinking about work, then you aren’t likely balanced. We find that even by forcing ourselves to think through each child, friend, or our personal goals, we adjust our time the next day accordingly. 

If you find yourself looking to free up “mindspace” there are easy ways around this. For example,every time Jason flies on a plane he’ll spend 20 minutes writing a letter to his spouse or a child, and that simple act makes him less focused on his trip and more focused on them. It’s amazing. It’s important to build in good habits like this to keep you centered, while still allowing for other priorities as they arise. 

But, in the spirit of this article, if everything that defines you is your family, we feel that you’re missing other essential experiences in life, such as meaningful work, fun activities, and your own health. 

Conclusion

Family is SO IMPORTANT. On our deathbeds we hope to be surrounded by our family and feel fulfilled that we lived a life dedicated towards them. That being said, we have other essential parts of our lives like work, exercise, and health that need prioritization too. 

Do a personal inventory on how you’re spending your time and ensure you’re not overcorrecting in any area, including family.

Here’s a related article!